Re-printed from ‘The Old Burian’ Magazine, 2018.
I was fighting fit, and able to manage perfectly well with long days and short nights. I could easily do two jobs at a time, and plan a third over coffee. I thought I was invincible. I was wrong. I had a heart attack one Sunday afternoon in 2004.
The next morning a very charming cardiologist said that I needed an angiogram, and very soon he was by my side in Hammersmith Hospital. He said that I could either go home and think about what I wanted to do about my clogged arteries, or sign a consent form while he went to find a suitable surgeon to operate on me. I signed.
Five years later it was obvious that I hadn’t really changed my lifestyle enough, so my wife Yvonne bought me a present. It arrived on Boxing Day, and looked at me suspiciously through squinty eyes, and seemed to be frowning. I had as much experience of Labrador puppies as he did of living with a middle-aged writer. I frowned back.
Alfie is nine years old now, and this morning we are looking forward to going out for our daily two mile walk. At the moment, he’s asleep on the sofa while I compute.
Most days are like this, and we are content with our comfortable routine. At about midday, if it isn’t too hot, I will stand up and go to collect his lead. Alfie will be by my side before I am halfway across the room, tail wagging, and ready to go. Knowing that although our lives can change in a moment, and in totally unexpected ways, as we get a little older and wiser we know that for something good to happen we usually have to give life something of a nudge.
Alfie was so funny as a puppy that I started to write some whimsical verses about him. You will notice that I don’t use the ‘p’ word – that implies something serious and cerebral is going on, and I don’t do that. Best left to people whose work doesn’t rhyme or scan. My verses are pure light entertainment, just for fun. Encouraged by family and friends, whose reactions indicated how much of a re-write was required with each new offering, I wrote a whole bookfull of verses. The title, which is also shared by the first one I wrote, is “My Labrador Eats Poo”. Sorry. (And yes, it’s available from Amazon, where you can buy everything from a paper clip to a peerage I think. I use the name Charles Garland professionally, as it’s a lot easier to spell.) [Update: Amazon can only offer used copies now but you can still get new ones directly from Charles.]
So what next? As a teenager, I attended drama school. Following a hectic and varied career on and off stage, which I haven’t the time to reconstruct here, I came to the conclusion that as no-one else had offered me a job for a while, I needed one of those nudges. I devised a two act stage show, enlisted the guidance of a brilliant director, and went back to my roots as a performer.
In June 2017 we began a tour of small theatres with “Once Upon A Labrador”. The performance was probably most easily and briefly described as a non-confrontational, informal, agenda-free, noncontroversial, animated, cross species and entertaining conversation between the audience and Alfie, with some input from me. In fact, I tended to do most of the talking…
Rick Wakeman, renowned keyboard player, and personal friend of Alfie’s, composed musical vignettes which were recorded for exclusive use in the show. We finished our “National Tour” in July 2018. Alfie and I had travelled from Hampshire to Herefordshire, South Wales to Sudbury and many lovely places in between. Did you miss it? Oh dear. How sad. Never mind. In August 2017 we moved house from Surrey to Suffolk. It’s good to be back.
So how am I after all this? Well. Very well. Apart from a small heart attack in October 2017, caused by having blood which resembled raspberry jam instead of red wine (there’s a lesson there for us all…). I have lost a stone in weight, and really enjoy the daily ramblings with Alfie. Ably assisted by my wonderful wife, who quite conveniently is a nurse, Alfie probably saved my life. My undying thanks go to them both, if you see what I mean.
[Charles was interviewed by Lesley Dolphin about his life and work on BBC Radio Suffolk – you can listen to the podcast here (BBC account needed).]
Charles’s debut novel “Painted Angel” was published in 2021 and is available from your local bookshop (best choice) or online from Foyles, Waterstones, Amazon, WH Smith, Browns Books or direct from the publisher.
A young American sculptor was taught to seek perfection in everything, consequently he does absolutely nothing. Claire lives in an adjacent studio flat, has a good job in Guildford and is totally in love with Archie. He sees her as his best and probably only friend. Nothing more. Will Archie ever change his mind about her?
Publisher: Book Guild Publishing Ltd
ISBN: 9781913551797
Number of pages: 406 : £9.99